Brooms for Romantic Idiots
by axlorg89
Summary: Natsu and Gajeel can't seem to kiss their mates, Lucy and Levy, without failing, so they decide to go to Loke for advice. Practice, that is what Loke says when he decides to teach the two dragonslayers. So that's why Natsu and Gajeel are going to practice kissing on broom sticks and mops. After all, practice makes perfect! Right? Doesn't it? Nalu and GaLe! Oneshot.


**For some reason I can't seem to let this opportunity go! When I was looking at the filters for characters I saw Broom. I thought it was a character that I didn't know but I searched it anyways. It was a broom. (Just saying there's an awesome fanfic and the POV is of a broom called A wooden Heart by HawkofNavarre)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong> Brooms for romantic idiots

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><p>Disclaimer: I don't own fairy tail<p>

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><p>Natsu and Gajeel grew suspicious as Loke appeared in front of them with 2 brooms in hand. "Now gentlemen, would you like to tell me again why you're here?" Loke mockingly asked. Natsu and Gajeel groaned. <em>As if he didn't know…<em>

"We already told you!" Gajeel snarled. "Now gentlemen, I am the instructor of this course. Now please tell me why you would want help from _mua_." Loke was becoming increasingly irritating. Natsu began to raise his fist so he could smack the smirk off the celestial spirit but Gajeel put a hand over his shoulder to calm him down.

"I'm waiting~" Loke teased further. Taking advantage of 2 dragon slayers wasn't something you see every day so Loke was enjoying this as much as possible.

"….." Gajeel and Natsu muttered it softly.

"What did you say?" Loke made sure his voice was extremely innocent just to annoy them even further. Natsu spoke. "I told you before Loke! I… Whenever I try to kiss Lucy she just stalls and runs away before I can even try…"

"Same here with Shrimp" Gajeel confessed as well.

"Gajeel, I could offer some help for you and your mate but Natsu. You are honestly asking me to help you kiss your mate. The same mate who I would cherish more than you can?" Natsu growled as his fists lit up in flames. Loke backed off a little considering that Lucy wouldn't be pleased with him if she found out that he and Natsu had a brawl.

Sighing, the celestial spirit spoke. "Ok now each of you take a broom please. I made sure to design it accordingly to look like your mates."

Natsu took the broom with yellow brushes at the end while Gajeel got a mop with blue wavy hair. At the moment, Loke, Natsu, and Gajeel were on the stage. Natsu and Gajeel were facing Loke while Loke was facing them and the audience. Of course the curtain was closed so nobody could actually see them.

"Why is Lucy a broom?"

"Why is Levy a mop?"

"Do you always ask questions? Now because I'm nice enough to help you, I should tell you the art of kissing. Kissing is a masterpiece which can be finely crafted through practice. While it may be a masterpiece and beautiful, it can easily be broken and sloppy. Since I'm sure that you two or your mates don't have any experience in kissing, your kisses will be sloppy. So the best way is too lead them on how to kiss right. Basically, you have to practice kissing." Loke finished as if he was a master in the arts of kissing.

Natsu and Gajeel looked at eachother before backing away and making gagging sounds. "Oi! I AM NOT KISSING FLAME BREATH OVER HERE!" Gajeel spat. "ME NEITHER! I AM NOT GAY!" Natsu added. Loke tried to stifle a laugh but failed. "mrrfff…hehehe….HAHAHAH! I didn't mean you guys have to kiss…pshhh…"

The two dragon slayers showed a confused expression. After Loke finished laughing and remained his composure he began his lecture again. "You won't kiss each other! No! You will be kissing your brooms."

Silence.

"You're joking right?"

"No now start smooching your broom" Loke commanded.

Gajeel and Natsu just stared at their brooms. "It c-can't be helped." Natsu stuttered as he released a gross atmosphere. "Y-Yea. We never speak a word of this too anyone." Natsu agreed.

A minute had passed. "I'm waiting…" Loke's voice wasn't helping at all. "You won't say anything about this at all!" Gajeel demanded. "My lips are sealed"

Natsu went in first. He puckered his lips and began to kiss the broom. It lasted for 1 milisecond before he backed away. Gajeel did the same as Natsu and pecked the mop. They both smashed their lips against their arms and began to wipe it away.

"Now that is what I call peck."

"Peck?"

"Basically you kiss someone lightly. Like on the cheek or you just kiss her softly on the lips."

"Wouldn't that be called a cheek kiss?" Natsu asked.

"Or a soft kiss?" Gajeel added thoughtfully.

"Why is it called a peck. We don't have beaks."

"Yea, why are there other kisses?"

Loke groaned. He forgot that he was dealing with romantic idiots. He felt for the girls if they had ever tried to do the initiative but failed.

"I didn't make up the name. Anyways, that's a peck and it usually lasts for a second. Lucy is calling me now so I can't stay now. Your homework tonight is to give a peck on the cheek to your girlfriends. OK bye!" And with that, Loke poofed away. "Why would Lucy be calling him now!" Natsu grunted.

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><p>…<p>

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><p>"Welcome to my class my apprentices," The trainee's grunted at Loke's statement. "So tell me on the process you two made". They were on stage, the curtain closed of course. Gajeel looked proud and smirked as he spoke. "I did it! After 13 tries I finally did a peck!" Natsu stood in astonishment as he saw his rival pass him in the art of kissing. No way he was going to let Gajeel beat him in kissing. Next time, for sure, he will kiss Lucy.<p>

Loke stifled a laugh, this time successfully. "Now please tell me how you did it so that the rest of the class may learn!" Loke told Gajeel who had a smug look on his face which made it harder for Loke to take him seriously.

"Gihi, whenever I tried to go in for this peck, Levy kept on squirming her way out but this time when she asked me to reach a book for her and I took advantage of it. When I brought it down, she stepped up to grab it but I put it high and kissed her cheek! After that she ran away with a red face." Gajeel was so proud of himself that it showed on his snarky face.

"Good job Gajeel! Now Natsu, please explain to me why you failed in this homework assignment if you would like to? By that I mean you tell."

Natsu grunted. "It sucked… I think it was Gajeel's fault. Levy whispered something to Lucy and she was on guard. Whenever I finally got closer to her so I could peck her something happened! I ended up pecking a clock! That Horolgium guy or whatever that clock spirits name is!? Then Lucy says 'I think i-its time for you to go home now Natsu! Lucy says'. It was so embarrassing…." Natsu admitted. Loke felt pity for his student. It would be embarrassing for anyone in that position.

While Loke felt sympathy for his F-Student, Natsu, his A-Student, Gajeel, laughed obnoxiously which caused Natsu to sock him in the face. Loke knew a fight would happen so he stepped in and made them stop. "We can't go slow for you Natsu. Now is your next learning technique. It's called the French Kiss and Making out! I know we still haven't learned the 'Kiss' but it's better to learn along the way." Loke wanted to end these lessons as soon as possible. The less romantic teachings, the more time I can to date!

"What's a French kiss? And what's French?" Natsu asked.

"Also what's making out. What are you making. And do you make out outside?" Gajeel questioned.

"Please shut up and let the master explain!" The spirit demanded as an angry vein struck out because of these two imbeciles.

"A French kiss is like a kiss and it is called French because the person who made it up called it that way. Making out is where you kiss for a very long time and multiple times for a few seconds. Gajeel, since you are somewhat advanced, you will be working on the French Kiss. A French kiss usually leads to making out but with a twist. Natsu you will be making out." Loke commanded before he added, "A kiss is when you and your lover touch lips." Just in case they were too much of idiots to figure that out.

"Natsu listen up because you will have to do this as well in the future!" Loke told Natsu before facing Gajeel. "Now Gajeel a French kiss is when you kiss. Only this time, you put your tongue in her mouth and explore every inch of her mouth. Think you can handle that?" Loke said that with no signs of embarrassment while Natsu and Gajeel both blushed red.

"H-How am I supposed to do that!?" Gajeel stuttered. Loke simply pointed to the two brooms leaning against the wall. Well a broom and a mop. "You will practice on the mop!" Natsu burst out laughing while Gray sulked his way over towards the mop. "And you Natsu! Will make out, which is kissing a lot in small time, with the broom." Natsu's laughter died down while Gajeel 'gihi'd'.

"Now begin!"

Gajeel bent down, stuck his tongue out, and started to wipe it on the mop's hair. "WRONG GAJEEL! In a way it's a right kind of romance but that is not French kissing. You kiss and when your mate opens her mouth, put your tongue in her's."

Gajeel did what Loke said but this time, Loke made him do it longer. Natus was no better. He kissed and stopped at a fast race before continuing again. "WRONG NATSU! Your supposed to kiss slow and enjoy it. Break the kiss when you or your partner needs time to breathe." Natsu grimaced and kissed the broom's edges instead of the hair. "That's somewhat ok Natsu. It's a neck kiss which is good but not making out."

After a few minutes of cleaning supplies kissing, the stopped for a break which consisted of Natsu and Gajeel scrubbing their lips with soap. "Oi Loke! Are kissing brooms like kissing girls?" Natsu asked. Loke smiled gently at his two students. "That's for you to decide!"

"Better not be, kissing a mop is like kissing a snail, not that I'd ever know." Gajeel muttered. "Kissing a broom is like eating reeds, spikey." Natsu added.

Loke stood up from his break (Which was gaining patience for Gajeel and Natsu) and called out to them. "Ok students, before we end it off today, let me show you how to kiss with pizazz" Loke grinned as he said this.

He grabbed Natsu's broom and let its wooden stick (Or waist) lean on his elbow as his face neared the broom. "That is one way to kiss with a spark. Another way is like this." Loke demonstrated this by cupping the broom's neck and leaning into it but not kissing it because it would be way too embarrassing for the likes of him to do it.

"Get away from Lucy!" Natsu yelled as he took his broom away from Loke which earned him a chuckle.

The lion checked his watch only to see it was past 8 o'clock. _Crap! I'm late for my date with Kate...(That rhymed)._

"OK your homework today is whisper something dirty to your mates. Try it!" Loke hoped he explained it clearly and poof'd immediately away.

"Dirty huh?"

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><p>…<p>

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><p>"Where's Loke?" Natsu asked Gajeel. A week had passed and it was time for their weekly lesson. Gajeel shrugged and they looked around a bit until they found a note on their inanimate girlfriends.<p>

_Something came up!_

_Talk to each other about your homework and what you did._

_Also, try and practice what you learned yesterday which was French kissing and making out._

_-Loke  
>P.s. I have a bad feeling about today's lessons<em>

The Ps looked suspicious but Gajeel and Natsu ignored it as they began to get their replaced girlfriends.

"What did you tell Lucy?" Gajeel asked. "I told her something really dirty. I said 'my garbage can is filled with old fish and some kind of weird mushrooms in it'. It's really filthy that I can't even stand the smell of it." Natsu told Gajeel. "I told Levy that I knew someone who had 9 cats which were naked and and how wrinkly they are." Loke probably should've explained what dirty kind he was talking about.

"Time for practice?"

"Yea."

The two were already used to kissing their brooms/mops and began to do the pizazz kiss when everything grew bright.

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><p>…<p>

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><p>"I can't believe I got lost up here Cana-san. Thank you for finding me!" Wendy told Cana. "Ain't no problem Wendy! I used to get lost here all the….time?" Cana stopped in mid step. Wendy did too. "Cana-san, what's going o-" Cana put her hand over Wendy's mouth and then put a finger up to her own mouth, signaling silence. Quietly, the drinker pointed to two people making out with brooms.<p>

Wendy's eyes went big while Cana grinned evily. Tiptoeing to the curtains, she spotted a big rope which raised the curtains up high.

Before Wendy could even stop her, Cana gave it a big tug.

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><p>…<p>

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><p>Natsu and Gajeel were still kissing their brooms. Even though they could feel the bright light on their eyes, the two thought it was Loke poofing here since his poof was pretty bright.<p>

1 minute went by and the light remained. A cough sounded loudly as well as a muffled sound of laughter. Natsu opened his eyes at the same time as Gajeel. Eyes wide, they were there. Infront of the guild. Making out with a broom and mop. Not to mention Jason, the sorcerer weekly journalist was here so it would be leaked out to the whole of Fiore.

Immediately they dropped their brooms and stayed in place as the guild stared. "BWAHAHAHA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING!" Cana was the one that yelled that. The moment she said that, everyone else began to laugh. Natsu looked towards the bar sheepishly where Lucy was sitting on a stool. She was trying to keep in a laugh but a second later she failed and let out a big laugh that echoed the halls.

Gajeel's eyes looked towards the right where Levy was sitting with Pantherlily. Pantherlily was face-palming while Levy was laughing loudly that she even had tears in her eyes.

Immediately Natsu burned the broom in his hand while Gajeel iron fisted his mop in the ground. The laughing continued. _I'm not going to lose,_ Natsu told himself as he walked off the stage and trying his best to ignore the laughs that irritated him to no beyond. The dragon slayer marched right up to Lucy and smashed his lips onto hers.

Lucy's lips were soft and hot…like really hot because he could even feel himself getting hot because he had a normal high temperature. Lucy's shocked lips finally pushed back against Natsu and let him feel relief. His mate's hand rose up and began to curl his hair while he held on to her waists. Maccao called out, "Get a room you two!" followed by chuckles.

Gajeel stared in awe. Natsu beat him to it! Angrily he looked to where his mate was. Levy was almost to the exit. Apparently Levy put two in two together with Natsu and Gajeel doing the same thing on the stage. Since Natsu kissed Lucy, Levy was sure Gajeel was going for her, sadly, she ran too slow and Gajeel easily ran up behind her.

Gajeel caught Levy by the shoulder and spun her around. Before Levy could even move, Gajeel caught her lips with his own. Since Levy's mouth was open in shock, Gajeel took advantage of it by putting his tongue in hers like he did with the broom. Levy tasted sweet and Gajeel normally didn't like sweet things but this was an exception since her 'sweet' was amazing!

After a few seconds, he felt Levy feel light and when he stopped kissing her, he found that Levy had fainted. "Oi! Shrimp! Wake up!" Gajeel began to shake her.

Gray stepped up and laughed at the two of them. "Kissing is so easy. Can't believe you two idiots took this long to make you move. Natsu, taking a breath from his heated make-out session with Lucy, glared at Gray, along with Gajeel.

It was true, Gray didn't need to practice since Juvia wouldn't have him any other way. Sloppy kisser or best kisser, Juvia loved Gray either way. "Juvia is ready to go to the ice skating rink Gray-sama!" Juvia called out from the guild entrance while Gray began to make his way towards Juvia.

After the commotion had calmed down, Natsu and Gajeel had only one thought in their mind.

_Kissing the person you love is way better than kissing a broom!_

Somewhere Else!

"Meredy? Why are you giving me a broom?" Jellal asked his fellow member of their individual guild.

Meredy only smirked.

"Practice for Erza."

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><p><strong>Done! Wow, this was a long one-shot! Oh well, I'm pleased with it and to be honest, I wanted to put all the four guys in but I couldn't. Gray could kiss Juvia easily so no broom for him, and Jellal was on the run so no broom for him. Natsu and Gajeel seemed to be the best candidates so I narrowed it down to them. (My first time writing Gale! Or Gajevy… I prefer GaLe)<strong>

**Question of the day: **Before you had ever read this story, did you know that Broom was a character on fanfiction?

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><p><em>Also, I am behind on my stories but it will take me some time to catch up. My laptop broke down and I am short on cash so hopefully I can catch up! <em>**3,011 words!**

**Enjoy? Please review about it!**


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